Farming has probably been my most demanding, emotionally
draining, rewarding job I’ve ever done. I’ve never cried so much, laughed so
much, felt frustrated so much nor felt so much pride within one season. I’ve
cussed at animals that just days prior I was carrying back to the house to
nurse back to health. Sometimes being successful at it and other times –
needing to do what had to be done to ease their suffering and keep the farm
rolling.
I’ve poured over finances, trying to grow the farm into a
small business while still managing to work a 40+ hour/week job, carrying eggs,
dog treats, other items made by the farm to my regular work to drop off after those
work hours and get a few dollars to put a tiny back for what I have spent; and
I have spent quite a lot in the last year trying to grow this crazy dream that
I’ve started.
Chicks have developed to my amazement in eggs that weeks
before I could have either sold or eaten myself and I’ve cracked eggs open from
the incubator of those chicks who began to grow, but for whatever reason, didn’t
see the outside of the shell alive.
The farm has been in existence for two years and already
I’ve had to bury so many creatures that I wonder if this is why farmers in
their later years are viewed as calloused and unfeeling. Perhaps it’s just too
painful for them to deal with the amount of loss that is the frequent occurrence
on a farm.
I am cautious to never brag that things are going
superbly because the moment that pride shows itself – reality gives a sharp
jerk and I am brought back to the knowledge that even though I may think I have
a handle on things, I actually don’t.
I’ve, at times, felt like I’m “playing God” in deciding
who will get to live and who needs to be sent to greener pastures. I’m sure I’ve
been judged by others because I’ve needed to decide that the chicken with the crooked
foot who was hobbling along (and would never recover) needed to be humanely
dispatched even though it was still eating. Or, and I could hear the tone in
the vet’s office receptionist’s voice, being judged for needing to put a barn
cat down who was elderly, not relieving itself outside the barn and rather
deciding to defecate all over where its food was, in its bedding, random places
in the barn, and also generally acting like it didn’t feel well.
I wish that I could say that I had piles of cash to be
able to treat these animals with the top veterinary care, but I don’t. I give
them food, places to rest that are away from drafts, and the opportunity to
live the best live that they can. If they are not living to their potential –
the kindest thing to do is to end their life.
I was actually told by some well-meaning people that I
should take a sickly cat out to a remote location and leave it there than to
have the cat put to sleep and have it pass warm, safe and calm. I can’t imagine
a crueler thing to do to an animal who is used to the safety of its home and
its owner.
I think that as a society we have become so removed from
what reality is that people are spending hundreds of dollars treating chickens,
thousands on dogs and cats and for those of us who don’t do that or can’t do
that – we are often treated like we don’t care.
Because I’m not willing or able to spend a thousand or
more on a beloved dog doesn’t mean that I don’t suffer with my decision any
less than someone viewing it from the outside and judging me. People like
myself suffer more because we don’t only deal with the loss of an animal or
needing to put an animal down, but we also have to work through the attitudes
of those around us who sometimes say things like “well, it doesn’t matter how
much it cost- I would treat my animal even if it bankrupted me…” or the popular
“that animal has given you so much love – how can you just ‘put it down’”.
I hate it, I know others hate it and it’s never easy. You
can show compassion to those of us struggling by offering a listening ear,
assuring the person going through that situation that they are making the right
choice not just for the animal but for themselves as well. At the end of the
day, we as farmers have to make the choices that are best for the farm and for
the welfare of the animals. Please, if you must judge – keep your opinions to
yourself or to your close group of friends. We would so appreciate that.
